An Introduction: Why Reality TV is Gaming’s Black Plague

Before I plunge head-first into my topic for this piece, allow me first to give a hearty greeting since – as we would say in my home state of Texas – I’m new around these parts. I’m Matt, I can probably beat you in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, and I also love writing more than just about anything in the world. (Minus warm ciabatta bread. Tasty…)

Wirebot is a wonderfully interactive site, so I look forward to communicating with everyone and sharing gaming news along with some of my insight.

As someone who embarrassed himself thoroughly on the reality show Beauty and the Geek for three months back in 2008, it only seems appropriate to start my stint here with a look at what may be some of the worst licensed “reality TV games” to ever exist. In truth, not all the blame can be put on the developer – part of it’s just the nature of the subject matter.

Shows like American Idol and The Amazing Race are the world’s guilty pleasure. Why? You get to watch people make complete idiots out of themselves just for a few weeks of celebrity and 300 extra Facebook friends. Of course, the whole idea of “reality” in “reality TV” itself is funny — the only reality we actually get from TV is on the Weather Channel, and that’s when we realize that the genre isn’t as funny when no one is screaming at Simon Cowell. Reality TV is, first and foremost, the illusion of reality set forth to give couch potatoes the impression that the “beautiful people” actually spend all their time in bikinis smashing champagne glasses.

With this understanding in mind, somewhere along the way a few developers thought it would be a cute idea to turn the reality TV genre into a gaming genre. You don’t have to worry about applying for Survivor anymore – you can now get voted out at home! There are also such wonderful opportunities to have Simon praise you when you actually suck, and to design clothing that no one would even put on in a dark closet.

A development team was probably sitting around one day, half-awake and brain-dead after listening to five hours of Barbie Horse Adventure 3: Horses Have Feelings, Too! when someone pitched the idea.

Tired guy wanting to get of the conference room: I love watching Deal or No Deal at home, so why don’t we make it into a game?

Guy just wanting “tired guy” to shut up: Fantastic! What’s more fun than opening up random cases when there’s absolutely nothing to play for?

So we have a Deal or No Deal game, an American Idol version of Karaoke Revolution, and two Survivor games that you can probably pick up on eBay for under two bucks. (Okay, I actually underestimated its value: I just found one brand-new online for $4.) None of these games are of course any good; as a matter of fact, you might be better off going out to the woods with your buddies and holding your own tribal council.

The fundamental problem with reality TV is that a good percentage of people are embarrassed about watching it. When I met Boston Rob of “Survivor” a few years back, I told him that his show was my “guilty pleasure.” His response? With his heavy Boston accent working to full effect, “you don’t gotta feel guilty about it.” What Boston Rob doesn’t realize is that people laugh at you for watching these shows. Nobody’s going to laugh at him because he was actually on the island (that and he got to have his Z-list wedding on national TV).

People generally play games to escape reality – so why would you waste time playing a “reality show” when you can jump 20 feet in the air or mercilessly scream into your headset after 20 headshots? This is why reality TV games are destined to fail. If you want to be on a reality show, then just send me a message on here and I’ll tell you all about trying to impress the casting agents. Otherwise, go play Mass Effect 2 instead – it was created by a developer looking for more than easy money and, believe it or not, it is just as close to reality as virtually singing pop songs or trying to boil water.
If anyone out there is still skeptical on how bad these games are, stay tuned: every week I’m going to spotlight one individually, describing its many flaws before trying to actually point out what could be done to make it worth playing.

So go ahead and watch “Celebrity Rehab;” just don’t play any of these games or you’ll need an institution of your own.