I have a confession to make: I have never beaten a single Final Fantasy game. For years I’ve been making excuses to justify my inability to get through a FF game. I rarely finish video games (which is true). I get distracted by side quests (and card games!) and eventually lose track of the main storyline (which is also true). I get downright lost (which is only true for the earlier games, you know, where you would go into fog-filled caves and you couldn’t see where you were and had to navigate a maze without being able to see your character or pretty much anything else? Yeah. That).

But lately, with all the hype surrounding Final Fantasy XIII, I’ve come to realize the real reason why I can never finish FF games. Yes this might be another excuse, but I honestly believe this the problem. My reason? I hate soap operas. What do you mean what does this have to do with FF? That’s what all the games are! It’s true that RPGs are story driven, and to have a story you must have drama… but take a generic soap opera, add futuristic elements, cool costume designs and monsters, and Cid with his airships… and you’ve got yourself any of the Final Fantasy games.

I am not bashing FF, nor am I hating on it. I am merely stating a fact.

Don’t believe me? Look. (But beware! This post is full of spoilers. Don’t say I didn’t warn you).

What soap opera would be complete without awkward love triangles? Boy meets girl. Boy meets other girl. Everyone likes each other. Awkwardness ensues. It’s a simple plot device used in many (all?) soap operas. It adds drama, makes things more interesting.

In the Final Fantasy series the best example of this is the ambiguous relationship between Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa. Although Aerith is technically spoken for by Zack, this doesn’t stop many players from seeing Cloud and Aerith as being meant for each other. This is only amplified by Aerith’s dramatic death (see “Dramatic Deaths”).

And what about Zack? Surely the only one for him is Aerith? Hmm. Does the name Cissnei ring any bells? Sure she might not have been an “official” love interest for Zack, but she does have feelings for him. Crisis Core adds another layer to the love triangle (hexagon? Whatever).

Soap opera deaths are almost Shakespearean in scope. They are epic and drawn out and full of overacting. Usually, they are also not permanent, as the character somehow manages to find a way back to life in a few seasons later.

Unfortunately for Aerith, her death in Final Fantasy VII is very permanent. It is also dramatic and heart-wrenching, and I know many people who were playing the game stared at the game with tears in their eyes. Following this theme in Crisis Core, Zack’s death at the end of the game brought tears to my eyes, and I wasn’t even playing the game.

Final Fantasy VI is a bit different in that the character who dies is not an ally or someone you care for and have grown to love over the course of the game. The most dramatic death in FF6 is that of the main villain, Kefka. You can’t help but feel sorry for Kefka, who became a murderous maniac after an experiment was conducted on him. By the end he is convinced that life is completely meaningless, and wants to destroy everything. His death is both epic and dramatic, and affects the entire world.

The death of Kefka is made much more dramatic with the eventual addition of cutscenes. But if you think that you need cutscenes for dramatic deaths, you must not have played Final Fantasy II. Yes, as early as the second game in the series, you lose a playable character who dies a dramatic death. When a trap sends a boulder rushing for the main characters, their companion Josef gets in its way and holds it back,allowing them to get away. Josef is crushed by the boulder. Dramatic? Sad? Yes on all counts.